So I was baptized today. What does that have to do with MS? Nothin' just wanted to talk about that for a minute. I was sprinkled a long time ago in Columbus, Ohio. My current church in Charlotte believes in believer's baptism and a full on under the water dunkin'. I agree with all of that too and we have been at this church for 8 years. I never really felt like I needed to go under until a few month ago.
I struggled with it a bit. Well, I was baptized, right? I made the outward proclamation already. I have spent the past few years in a fight with God. Fighting with God looks like this. I rant and hit and scream and hold my breath and pout etc and God just smiles at me waiting for me to shut up so He can have His say.
Once I shut up and stop pouting he says, I forgive you. Are you ready to come back and get in the game?
Then I feel all guilty and there is no way He could really forgive me cuz I just spent the past couple of years being all mad and what not.
Then He says, Yeah, I can take it. I forgive you so you want to hang out and do life or what?
So finally I said alright. I am back and if you are not going to get all mad and what not then here I am.
So I really started to feel like I needed to go under the water. What's the big deal? you ask? It is a physical representation of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Under the water = His death and rising out of the water = His resurrection.
God explained it to me like this...When you go to Dairy Queen and get a cone which do you prefer, a sprinkle of Jimmies or a dip in the thick hot melty chocolate? Chocolate dip of course! That's all God wants. He wants a little chocolate dip and hold the jimmies.
I really think that all major theological things should be explained through Dairy Queen metaphors. I'll see if I can work out some other ones.
Anyway, It was great to be baptized. i giggled through the whole thing. Matt (my hubs) helped dunk me so that was wonderful.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
April 2012 The Surreal Month
So here I am. Sitting in my living room writing about what is happening in my life. I knew that turning 40 would be interesting but I didn't realize HOW interesting it was going to be. My birthday is June 30th. Same as Ringo Starr. I celebrated by going to Asheville, NC with my friend Emily which was fabulous. I spent the summer indoors (it was well in the 90s all summer) and mildly depressed. School restarted to a fresh wave of stress and a blip on my routine mammogram. WHAT?! My mom and aunt have both survived breast cancer so I was prepared for the worst. Long story short - everything checked out just fine. In October I went to my regular doctor and received treatment for depression (more on that in another post).
I got a new job teaching full time Middle School Art (more on that in yet another post). It was stressful but that is were I felt God wanted me for the moment. I had no idea why until APRIL.
Lets look at the month of April 2012...
The first week I began school with a sinus headache. The kind where you could draw the shape and placement of every sinus cavity in your head. I tried allergy meds and Tylenol for the pain and it was reduced from a jackhammer in my skull to the blows of a blacksmiths hammer. On wednesday I felt like my left eye was trying to defect from my face. Like my head was squeezing my eye and at any moment it was just going to explode like a ripe tomato. Thankfully this was the week before our Spring Break. We had Good Friday off and then 2 blissful weeks of vacation (year round school rocks).
I woke up on Saturday April 7 and I had lost the vision in the lower third of my eye. This had happened 4 years earlier in my right eye so I knew that I was experiencing Optic Neuritis again. Again. Blarg! I have recovered about 50% of my vision in that eye but the other 50% is not correctable. I see a blurry smear like I am looking through a lens that has been smeared with oil. The damage is in the nerve and not in the structure of the eye so there is nothing to do to correct it. Thankfully our brains are designed to handle such strangeness and when I look at you with both eyes my brain compensated and I see just fine. God is an amazing designer! Redundant systems ROCK! So I was scared on Saturday to say the least.
By Monday morning I could not see the bottom 1/3 in a crescent shape. I went to my eye doctor and did all of the tests and eye drops (ick) and he confirmed Optic Neuritis and ordered steroids (didn't do that the first time around) and an MRI which I had the last time and it was clear.
Annoying with Oil
Matt took me to church to the pastors and they prayed over me and anointed my head with oil. We prayed for answers and for healing and restoration of my vision. I texted my sister in law to tell her what we were doing and "auto-correct" helped me by telling her that the pastors were "annoying" me with oil. We both had a great laugh from that.
BULKIN UP!
So the steroid treatment started with IVs at home the second week in April. The nurse was great and she trained my awesome husband how to hook me up every morning. Three days of IVs and then 11 days of pills. Everything I ate tasted like sawdust. I had a constant taste of grapefruit and pennies in my mouth. Meals were so miserable but I was SO hungry that I ate. I did not gain extra weight as I thought I would. I felt perpetually wound up inside but my muscles were like -"Please don't make us run up that hill. Let's just walk, okay?" The good news is that by the end of the week I could see again and the fog had diminished to a light grey and I could see pretty much as normal.
I spent the weekend in Asheboro, NC with Emily which was so relaxing.
TESTING! TESTING!
Week three of April is marked by MRIs. Three as a matter of fact. Thursday was my first and with the help of Prince Valium I entered the tiny little MRI tube for what I thought was going to be 45 minutes. Half way through the tech informed me that the radiologist wanted a different protocol so she had to write it really quick and then run those scans. so I was in the tube for 2 hours.
At one point I fell asleep and dreamed that I was pushing buttons trying to turn off the sound. I woke up to hear the tech tell me that I had finished and I had not moved at all! Phew!
We got some lunch and drove home. I sat down on the couch and the phone rang. The radiologist decided that he needed a new view. Could I come back the next day at 1:30? The scan would be 8 minutes long and that was it.
So friday I drove back over, this time alone, and forced myself into the machine. 8 minutes later I was free to return home. I sat on the couch and the phone rang. The radiologist saw something on your brain and optic nerve. Can you come right back?
So back I went. This time they put me in the "Big Bore" machine and took scan, injected dye, and took more scans. The tech asked me about the machine and how I felt. I said, "It is the difference between a coffin and the Holland Tunnel. I could have a tea party in here!"
The god of Thunder
So week 4 of April. School resumed and it was the usual routine which was nice and the kids weren't as crazy as I thought they were going to be which was also nice. I made an appointment with my neurologist for tuesday afternoon.
My doctor's first name is Thor. He is AWESOME, besides being named Thor. He is calm and funny, he smiles and talks and asks questions and LISTENS.
He sat down with Matt and I and confirmed that I do indeed have MS. I will start a drug regimen to hopefully stop the "episodes" and help me live a long and healthy life.
So now I need to get my head around having MS. It is like trying to comprehend the vastness of the Universe. I decided to start this blog to help me place all of my thoughts about my life. I titled it "Laughing at MS" because God knows I need to find the funny in the midst of the stress. There are some funny things that have happened to me because of this disease as well which I will talk about later. If you have read all the way down to here, congratulations. I promise that I will probably offend you some of the time and make you laugh some of the time. I might even make you cry. Whatever the case. I will be here off and on writing about my experiences and hoping that the cathartic effect relieves some of my stress and entertains you as well.
I got a new job teaching full time Middle School Art (more on that in yet another post). It was stressful but that is were I felt God wanted me for the moment. I had no idea why until APRIL.
Lets look at the month of April 2012...
The first week I began school with a sinus headache. The kind where you could draw the shape and placement of every sinus cavity in your head. I tried allergy meds and Tylenol for the pain and it was reduced from a jackhammer in my skull to the blows of a blacksmiths hammer. On wednesday I felt like my left eye was trying to defect from my face. Like my head was squeezing my eye and at any moment it was just going to explode like a ripe tomato. Thankfully this was the week before our Spring Break. We had Good Friday off and then 2 blissful weeks of vacation (year round school rocks).
I woke up on Saturday April 7 and I had lost the vision in the lower third of my eye. This had happened 4 years earlier in my right eye so I knew that I was experiencing Optic Neuritis again. Again. Blarg! I have recovered about 50% of my vision in that eye but the other 50% is not correctable. I see a blurry smear like I am looking through a lens that has been smeared with oil. The damage is in the nerve and not in the structure of the eye so there is nothing to do to correct it. Thankfully our brains are designed to handle such strangeness and when I look at you with both eyes my brain compensated and I see just fine. God is an amazing designer! Redundant systems ROCK! So I was scared on Saturday to say the least.
By Monday morning I could not see the bottom 1/3 in a crescent shape. I went to my eye doctor and did all of the tests and eye drops (ick) and he confirmed Optic Neuritis and ordered steroids (didn't do that the first time around) and an MRI which I had the last time and it was clear.
Annoying with Oil
Matt took me to church to the pastors and they prayed over me and anointed my head with oil. We prayed for answers and for healing and restoration of my vision. I texted my sister in law to tell her what we were doing and "auto-correct" helped me by telling her that the pastors were "annoying" me with oil. We both had a great laugh from that.
BULKIN UP!
So the steroid treatment started with IVs at home the second week in April. The nurse was great and she trained my awesome husband how to hook me up every morning. Three days of IVs and then 11 days of pills. Everything I ate tasted like sawdust. I had a constant taste of grapefruit and pennies in my mouth. Meals were so miserable but I was SO hungry that I ate. I did not gain extra weight as I thought I would. I felt perpetually wound up inside but my muscles were like -"Please don't make us run up that hill. Let's just walk, okay?" The good news is that by the end of the week I could see again and the fog had diminished to a light grey and I could see pretty much as normal.
I spent the weekend in Asheboro, NC with Emily which was so relaxing.
TESTING! TESTING!
Week three of April is marked by MRIs. Three as a matter of fact. Thursday was my first and with the help of Prince Valium I entered the tiny little MRI tube for what I thought was going to be 45 minutes. Half way through the tech informed me that the radiologist wanted a different protocol so she had to write it really quick and then run those scans. so I was in the tube for 2 hours.
At one point I fell asleep and dreamed that I was pushing buttons trying to turn off the sound. I woke up to hear the tech tell me that I had finished and I had not moved at all! Phew!
We got some lunch and drove home. I sat down on the couch and the phone rang. The radiologist decided that he needed a new view. Could I come back the next day at 1:30? The scan would be 8 minutes long and that was it.
So friday I drove back over, this time alone, and forced myself into the machine. 8 minutes later I was free to return home. I sat on the couch and the phone rang. The radiologist saw something on your brain and optic nerve. Can you come right back?
So back I went. This time they put me in the "Big Bore" machine and took scan, injected dye, and took more scans. The tech asked me about the machine and how I felt. I said, "It is the difference between a coffin and the Holland Tunnel. I could have a tea party in here!"
The god of Thunder
So week 4 of April. School resumed and it was the usual routine which was nice and the kids weren't as crazy as I thought they were going to be which was also nice. I made an appointment with my neurologist for tuesday afternoon.
My doctor's first name is Thor. He is AWESOME, besides being named Thor. He is calm and funny, he smiles and talks and asks questions and LISTENS.
He sat down with Matt and I and confirmed that I do indeed have MS. I will start a drug regimen to hopefully stop the "episodes" and help me live a long and healthy life.
So now I need to get my head around having MS. It is like trying to comprehend the vastness of the Universe. I decided to start this blog to help me place all of my thoughts about my life. I titled it "Laughing at MS" because God knows I need to find the funny in the midst of the stress. There are some funny things that have happened to me because of this disease as well which I will talk about later. If you have read all the way down to here, congratulations. I promise that I will probably offend you some of the time and make you laugh some of the time. I might even make you cry. Whatever the case. I will be here off and on writing about my experiences and hoping that the cathartic effect relieves some of my stress and entertains you as well.
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